My interfering mother?

My father, a pastor, would answer your question this way, "Leave and cleave." It's from the Bible somewhere. Basically, you "leave" the family that you were born into, and you "cleave" (attach) to your spouse and build a family with them. That's what is supposed to happen, it's the natural order of things. It doesn't sound like you've quite completed the leaving before you've started the cleaving. The fact that your mother is at your house cleaning is sending up big red flags on my radar. Why? She has no business "coming around," telling your wife how to clean your house, or making judgments on your life. It would not have been disrespectful to tell your mother to put the vibrator down and go home. She was being disrespectful to you and your wife. I really feel that you may need to defend the woman you married. Don't worry, your mother loves you. Unless she is just a really vindictive person, she is going to be upset for awhile once you stand up to her, but she'll come around eventually because she doesn't want to lose you. Think about it this way. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with your mother, or with your wife? Don't allow your mother to ruin your marriage, she obviously has a low level of respect for your wife. I would ask yourself why this is and what you can do about it. The only person who can stand up for your wife is you. If you wife tries to say something (and she may have) it is only going to make matters worse with your mother, who will only turn that into another reason to dislike your wife. Your mother's job now is not to come over uninvited to your home to "clean" and stick her nose in your business and criticize your wife. It is time for her to be a grandma and invite your family to her house for Sunday dinners. It is time for her to step back and understand that she is no longer the first priority in your life. You can tell her this respectfully with much love, and be patient until she comes around. I hope this helps.